They sure come in all shapes and sizes

This house reminds me of a ship -- narrow, long and tiered. Truly individualistic though I wonder why it was built this way.

Vibrant blood?

Despite passing by this banner a number of times on my way to work and back, I hadn't figured out what the copywriter actually meant by these words.

Was he trying to contrast an energetic and enthusiastic tunnel of people with vibrant-looking blood? Energetic and enthusiastic bloodletting a la a vampire or cult movie? A bright and bold looking tunnel? What has that to do with donating blood?

Deaf & dumb biker on ride around the world

Saw this biker, Vladimir Yarets Alexeevichat, at the open area near Sim Lim Square today. His bike, photos of his journey and not a few signs/flash cards were on display, together with a hat on the floor with donations from passer-bys. I read about him in The New Paper some time back, so I was sure he wasn't a con artist. His background and journey are documented in www.yarets.com

One of his flashcard says that he will be moving on to Malaysia from here.

Gotta admire his guts and spirit of adventure. Can't imagine a Singaporean going around the world in his trishaw, bike or car, leaving off the goodwill of others, what more a deaf and dumb Singaporean.

Like attracts like?

It's funny how things come in threes. I saw another funny name today in the papers, albeit as part of a sad story. It was a lady called Cinderella Wang.

With a great sense of incredulity, I did a double take, then looked again. It's really Cinderella Wang!

Much as Cinderella was my favourite fairytale as a kid, I would never dream of naming myself after the heroine.

Funny names - part 2

All these hilarious monikers keep turning up.

When my friend heard about the esteemed Hao Xiao Ming, he told me he has a name card of this chap called Xiao Ting Tong (read this in Hokkien).

It's a crazy world out there.

Another friend told me this story, which was in turn related by another friend:

As an NSF, he was at an intro briefing held by a sergeant. They took turns to shout out their names. When it came to this guy standing at a corner, they heard hardly a whisper.

The sergeant turned to him: Recruit! What is your name?
Guy in a corner: *whisper*

Sergeant: Speak up soldier! Louder!
Guy mumbles: Ee Chee Kok

Sergeant: What?! Louder!
Guy shouts: Ee Chee Kok!

And every one laughs out loud.

Poor chap, his name really takes the cake or more accurately, his manhood. That's a true story, btw. Mr Ee really should apply to work with talkingcock.com

Postscript
What would happen if Ms P---y met Mr Ee Chee Kok?

Hi, I'm Pussy. Hello! (Hands out with much enthusiasm) I'm Ee Chee Kok.

With such complementary names, surely they will get on like a house on fire.

Or maybe not. They could be let down by the lack of chemistry.
*Groan*

Funny names

I burst out laughing when I saw this today: Professor Hao Xiao Ming. Nothing against the esteemed professor, just that he professes to be Hao Xiao Ming.

If you read that it Chinese, it means "good Xiao Ming", where "Xiao Ming" is a very typical name used in my Chinese textbooks when I was still in school. Perhaps his parents wanted the babe in their arms to be a good boy and good man, hence Hao Xiao Ming.

What a name. When my dad heard about it, he remarked that in Hokkien, "Hao Xiao Ming" will sound like Ming is very hao xiao (means to exaggerate a lot and talk a lot of nonsense). What a name!

As a kid, he must have been the butt of jokes among his peers.

Which leads me to this name my colleague saw: Seah Chee Poh.

"Chee Poh! Why are you so cheapo?!"

Try placing the name western style, i.e. having the surname placed after the name. Chee Poh Seah. Now think in Singlish. ;)

Then, another friend heard of this lady from one of our neighbouring countries who called herself p---y (the informal name for a cat). I hope she didn't know what she was doing!

GMP's ghost

GMP created a fake sighting of a ghost in a lift at Raffles Place and followed that up with postings by other people on the ghosts they purportedly saw or heard, all on a website http://rafflesplaceghost.net.

After some hoohah, it was finally revealed as a viral campaign for GMP, on why you should not work late. And shortly after that, they closed down the website.

It could be all the bad comments, generally along the lines of "bo liao".

It's quite a bad hoax IMHO, bad in many ways.

Firstly, it's such a crass and cheap trick to play on peoples' fears. Some poor soul now says she doesn't dare take the lift at Raffles Place. It's also a bad branding play, both from the western and eastern perspectives, to associate a brand with ghosts (unless the company sells ghostbusting services or the likes).

Now people think of GMP and associate it with ghosts and worse -- liars. This brings to mine words like fearful, insubstantial, wispy, non substantive, cons, bad decision makers, low class, etc. I definitely do not link GMP with innovative or cutting edge.

This video by some GMP chap explaining the hoax further adds oil to the fire.

http://www.myescapeplan.com.sg/whyushouldntworklate/

Can't they find someone who can speak and enunciate properly to front the campaign? If they really can't, use flash text or a tongue in cheek letter?

After listening to him, my opinion that in no way would I use GMP's services is strengthened.

GMP sure got the eyeballs it wanted, but at what cost to its reputation?

Bad grammar in ad

Saw this ad on the MRT train some time back. I wonder what the copywriters are doing when they allow such a glaring mistake in an ad they help to produce.

"Solves hair problems quick & effectively"

The use of "quick" sounds like Singlish. Not that I'm against Singlish, which has its own syntax and structure, and is something that marks our people and gives us a common identity. (Hey you think any old ang moh can speak Singlish properly? It's not just lahs and lors hor.)

However, Singlish is unaccceptable usage in proper Singapore English and in written English, except perhaps as an ad for a Jack Neo movie.

So, to end this, the line should have been: Solves hair problems quickly & effectively.

When smart people say stupid things

It's a pity that a public figure makes a good speech, showing the proper humility, competence, determination and thoroughness, and proceeds to give a real silly answer (IMHO) to a legitimate question.

Scenario:
A arranges for Lady B and Guy C, both perfect strangers, to meet at the town square. They have not seen each other and are not able to obtain photos in time. In describing Guy C to Lady B, A takes an unduly long time.

A to B: I've arranged for you to meet Guy C at the town square at 10am.
B: How does C look like?
A: He's a guy.... Sorry I have to be very cautious about my description as I want to be very accurate. Won't do to have you meet the wrong guy! Give me a few days. I don't have the information clearly in my mind or on the records.

[Five days later]
A to B: He'll be wearing a yellow shirt and green pants.
A adds: Give me some more time. I want to be accurate.

[Another 14 days later]
A to B: I'm very sure now. He has a mole under his eye.
B: Thanks. Erm... what took you so long? Don't tell me you were interviewing C's minders and submitting them to polygraph tests to ensure that they weren't lying about the mole?

Soup de la creme

The best soup I've ever tasted. Sadly, it's not created by a Singaporean Michelin-ready chef but a French 2-Michelin-star chef. Yummmmmm.... I even liked the mushrooms in it! Those who know me will know what an amazing thing that is.

I agree that the local food scene is ready for some Michelin ranking. But how will French palates be able to rate Chinese, Indian, Peranakan, Malay, Teochew, Cantonese (you get the idea) cooking properly?

Happiness redefined

A conference organiser recently concluded a hunt in Singapore for the happiest person. I wonder how they measured happiness (refer to Sylvia Toh Paik Choo's cheeky but incisive article on it in the New Paper).

Is it how much you laugh? So are giggles counted? What about those that are nervous in nature or that grate on your nerves?

Contentment? How much contentment before it meets the mark?

I can go on and on.

Not that it's bad to promote happiness. I'm all for a laugh and many more a day. Sometimes life gets tough and the only thing besides praying is to give myself all the reasons to have a good laugh.

Singaporean reasons for being late

Saw an AsiaOne report today that gives 10 unusual excuses for being late at work. It gives reasons like getting lost in the fog, going for an American Idol audition, a too long queue at Starbucks, and having the car stolen by an ex-husband.

Anyway, here's what I imagine are the top 10 reasons for lateness in Singapore.

1. The ERP gantries. I took the long route to stop paying and paying.

2. I was stuck in a jam on the road due to a major accident.

3. There was too many people in the MRT train and I couldn't get into it/ The MRT train was delayed.

4. I overslept. My alarm clock didn't ring.

5. My maid ran away/ overslept.

6. The haze made me sick.

7. The queue was soooo long: First day of school/ buy Toto ticket for $2 million prize/ buy breakfast/ go bank/ pay income tax (use whichever excuse that makes more sense that month).

8. Football was very exciting last night. I couldn't wake up today.

9. I have a sore throat and headache.

10. My mum arrived at my house late and I couldn't leave the kids alone at home.

Love the Singapore way

The Hebrew word for love is "ahava", which means "to give". This implies true love is about giving, not taking.

So over the years, our generations have given their love the Singapore way.

Boyfriend, Tian Peng, in the late 1960s: Xiaolian, let's go apply for a flat together.
Xiaolian blushes and says coyly: Ok.
They ride into the HDB horizon together.

Boyfriend, Ah Peng, in the 1980s: Here's the car, condo, country club, cash and credit card. Or rather, the credit card first. Let's work towards the other Cs together.
Lianmei's eyes light up and she says: Yes, you can give me the 5 Cs.

Ah Beng in the 2000s presents a one carat diamond ring on his knees and says: I give you my caring heart, good stimulating conversation and crack many jokes to make you laugh. Will you marry me please?
Ah Lian: Can!

Corny scenarios aside, I see love giving itself around me in Singapore, even though the common complaint is that we are too materialistic and caught up in the rat race. My colleague shared in the car today that he gives his wife all his bonus money, pays for the big ticket items, and even gives her a monthly allowance, not to be spent on the family but on her.

Even though he was complaining that his wife has the better deal, I felt that his actions spoke louder than his words. Our salaries represent our blood, sweat and tears every work day. For him to give the bulk of it to his wife shows his commitment and love for her and the family.

It puts him in a vulnerable position, especially if his wife chooses to run away with the money, but I want to think that it won't happen to him.

Behaving patrons at SSO concert

At an SSO concert on Saturday night, I was impressed that throughout, no phone rang or beeped, no child (there was one seated next to my friend!) said a word, and nobody sneezed or coughed. No, the concert wasn't only 10 minutes long. The first piece took 25 minutes and the other took 68 minutes. It seems that all the talk about the ugly Singaporean has yielded some positive fruits.

Flower biker strikes again

I've seen this bike before, adorned with flowers. And I believe it has been featured in the papers before. The biker has an axe to grind it seems with this latest update to his bedecked bike.

'Shy' lady on the train

She walked in and plonked her bags on not one but two seats on her left and right. This gal must hate human contact.